Percepitation and Malinformagnanimity

I have no more hopes for when I die. What I mean to say is that I have no aspirations to leave a legacy or a memory. I have existed in my present state for so long, I can't remember where childhood idealism ended and the "adult" perception of reality began. I suppose the ever coveted independence which came with the dire price of responisibility had a profound effect on the way I act, think and live. I know so little about the outside world. I am aware of cultures and lifestyles, but I have no experience or true knowledge of them. When I really stop to think, I feel so ignorant. At the same time, I am somewhat apathetic; but as much as I try, I will never be truly apathetic. I think that would bring with it a state of numb bliss that I can only hope for. My own personal nirvana.